Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
