My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
