I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you win again, gameday.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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