were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
