i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize