Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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