she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
