by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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