that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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