i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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