I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
