I puked a lego.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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