I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
