o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
