I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
