have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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