apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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