My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
