I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
