Just mADE A PArabola og urine
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
