pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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