Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
