the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
