I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
