Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize