Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
