if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
