First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
