OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
