the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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