Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
