I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
