it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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