apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
