Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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