youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
