did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
