i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
