i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
