He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize