i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
