he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
