I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
