i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
