I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
