Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
