between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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