Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
