the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im part way to drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
