Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
