saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Slut skills are useful in every country.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
