Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
