Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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