my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
