I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
