____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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