They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
