How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
