I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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