Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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