I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
