i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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