Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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