I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
