I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
