Nicole vs. Life
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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