there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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