you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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