Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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