At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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