i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Someone signed my nipple.
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