When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
