That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
