4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
