I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize