When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Everything about him screamed your future.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
