You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
