I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
