you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
