I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
