i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had sex on a roof
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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