We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
