Swine flu. Run for my life!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
