All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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