i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
