Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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