their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
