so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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