I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
