I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
