i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
